Learning Corner: When Feedback Gets a Defensive Reaction
Estimated Time to Complete: 20 minutes
Objective:
To prepare for defensive reactions so you can respond with curiosity and keep the conversation productive.
Materials Needed:
A piece of feedback you need to give
A notebook
Activity Steps:
1. Expect it (3 minutes)
Remind yourself that defensiveness is a normal reaction to feeling threatened. It's information about how the person feels.
2. Plan your pause (4 minutes)
Decide what you'll do when you notice defensiveness. Take a breath, slow down and say something like, "I can tell this is hard to hear."
3. Prepare curious questions (8 minutes)
Write three questions you can ask instead of repeating your point: "What's your view of what happened?" "What am I missing?" "What would help here?"
4. Plan the close (5 minutes)
Decide how you'll wrap up, even if the conversation is tense: agree on one next step and set a time to talk again.
Key Takeaways:
Defensiveness is a signal, and it can pass.
Curious questions lower the temperature.
A second conversation often goes better than the first.
Reflection Prompt:
How do you tend to react when you get feedback you don't agree with? What helps you move past it?
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